Benefit Fraud, ahem, Friends.

The constant and lingering existence of ads for the film Friends With Benefits has reached a point I can no longer avoid. From bus ads across cities the world over (Edinburgh), to the leading film add for Cineworld’s current audience recruitment campaign I feel I can go no longer without commenting on the marketing for this, 2011’s ‘summer date night film’. For ease, I have numbered my discomforts.

ONE: I do not want to see that nightmare-edged Black Swan Mila Kunis holding her thumb and forefinger in close proximity whilst squeaky-shoes-squeak-voice Timberlake gazes absent mindedly into the middle distance with a forefinger ready to slot into the aforementioned universal scuba diving symbol for OK.

TWO: Why would I want to go on a date with someone and suggest that we are not as sexy and kooky as some sexy kookier young (mid 30s) NON-couple who have adventures on the Hollywood sign? Why would one not want to see a Norwegian subtitled faux-documentary about Trolls or a Steven Spielberg (ok, JJ Abrams) suspense marathon with the delightful Dakota Fanning and an alien with the tendencies of a magpie?

THREE: Typically with rubbish there are too many despicable alternative names for this rom com. Will You Do Me Now - Is Anyone Else As Pretty As Us? - Will STDs Be A Problem? - Of Course (Pretty) Boys And Girls Cannot Be Friends – Did Not Natalie Portman And That One Married To Demi Moore Do This Film About A Year Ago?

FOUR: The whole jumble of pseudo-misogyny allows Justin Timberlake’s press tour soundbites to sound a little like this, ‘yeaaah, it’s nice to be in a film with a girl with guts you know? To have someone to play off’ Piss. Ye. Off.

FIVE: IT IS NO LONGER SUMMER. The heating is on in the office (and I work for a charity), my feet are constantly blue and crackly and the skin on my face and hands is dryer than a martini off a much more seamless ‘date movie’ starring an age avoiding agent from a non-existent portion of UK intelligence known as 007. Even if this is a date night film, don’t drag ‘summer’ through the dirt with it – remember Summer? The kooky Zooey one in summer date night film 500 Days of Summer. Oh fuck it, drag away, it's not stopped raining for three months anyway.