Miriam Attwood watches X Factor, paints her nails, eats a bacon roll (mayo mustard tomato) drinks 2 cups of tea and daydreams a bit about whether the crying and going my life is over if I don't get through would be a good tactic for any further interviews I get. (THIS BIT IS CONTEXT - they always do that on the guardian live blogs)

It was TWO HOURS LONG so that was too much to live blog, but I made some notes of some of the best bits, I may have been out of the room for some or other of the best bits but I think I got all of Johnny's chats.

The Judges were all in different posh houses with infinity pools. I can't remember what happened at the beginning of the show as it was TWO HOURS LONG. But Johnny was featured in the before the credits bit saying something adorable and camp and self-deprecating.

There was a large amount of forgettable action, there was a band with some boys who I'm pretty sure were just there to advertise Topman, some little class jokes (the posh one did a posh voice and another one did a rap), and loads of braces; a bit 2009 ladies? There were several raps. Tulisa got annoyed cause one of them didn't do their own rap and did Tiny Tiddles rap instead. She said 'You know I don't like it when they do that.' There was lots of pink lipstick and tears and people sitting on stuff gazing. Some of them stood up to gaze. And cry. They ALL cry.
Two Shoes were on fine form - I like them as they do not cry as much as the other ones. I think they have job satisfaction in Essex as it is: 'You will eivver change your liafe completely or (in unison) you just dont.' Well said ladies.

Kelly looked very pretty. J-Hudz was her chum being a celebrity helper. They were very pretty and said nice things about the pretty (forgettable) girls that sang.
Jade Fae Fife said of going on a speed boat in Miami bay: 'I've only been in a rowing boat so I was nervous about that' (points at boat.) I no longer care that she just does Adele - I want her to win so we can here more insights from her life fae Fife.

Gary and Robbie did some jokes about being 90s pop-stars and falling out again. The fat annoying kid from Essex with the dad that bought him singing lessons sang terribly out of tune and out of time. Gary and Robbie cringed, it was really really bad. I think his singing teacher maybe should have taught him more than one song. Another forgettable youngster, possible surname Vickers (any relation of Diana?) was titled as as 'Amusement Park Squirrel, aged 19' when he came up to sing. The one that The Sun had claimed posted himself having a wank on Youtube was nowhere to be seen.

Louis and Sinitta may have well just handed over proceedings to Johnny Robinson.
Johnny on Sinitta: 'I was hoping it would be Cilla, but we got Sinitta so I can't complain'
Johnny on being a wee bit browner than usual: 'Yes Dermot, I had a spray tan'
Johnny on life on the X Factor 'Look - I can't believe I got this far. Did my audition on stage - I think the judges liked it as I got a standing ovation.'
Johnny on his sleeping arrangements 'Where I live is very pokey, just a bedsit.'