Get me outta here...

It has been brought to my attention that 'i'm a d-lister, and double d cup and I want some tele exposure' is back on the tele box from next week. Flying to Sydney the same week as some of these 'old school stars' facilitates a fun game to play in international departure lounges and boarding queues. Clearly I'll be aiming high, and where the regular fame academy of Amy, Katy and Russell all have distinctive hair dos and silly boots, Amy’s dad looks like a cabbie and that girl what Russell did and then told her grandpa looks like most girls hanging about looking sullen. Basically, many of the performers that chance their career and ass over the long drop in the jungle, look like normal people. So every mumsy looking lady with over coloured red hair could be Whigfield and every grumpy middle aged guy embracing a truly awful spiked haircut could be bros - or Jedward post a nasty crack addiction following their startling fall from reality involving some old guy in an alley who sounded similar enough to Simon Cowell. I digress. The only problem with all these rock and roll encounters is my flight goes via Tokyo, for a week, give or take, and then on to Sydney. So the lunch stop over in Heathrow and the fidgeting time in Sydney on the way to Melbourne, land of the ever changing climate and Conor off neighbours, all occur just as the TV show starts. Maybe Peter Andre's mum will be jetting in late from Cyprus to tell the world how wronged her son was, I'm sure she'll be easy to pick out of the hoards of holidaying ladies. Or Joan Jet's daughter's mate's niece who is launching a singing career with a cover of Britney Spear's version of I Love Rock & Roll from that karaoke competition in Crossroads. (The film starring Britney Spears and a hunk of a male lead NOT the ITV Soap Opera which returned to territorial TV screens in 2001 only to be axed two years later with the whole cast waking up and finding ironically the end of their acting career's final role to have just been a dream.) Saying that, maybe someone from Crossroads will be in the Jungle. I'm getting my double failed career radar googles ready for Heathrow, programmed for Crossroads. You never know, the BBF off Britney’s version may be there...