Hot Hot Heat

My next blog was going to be about films. I finally succumbed to checking my blog hits (smash) and the blogs about films seemed to be most popular. So I was going to just write them, then, in the style of a flash flood, tsunami or hurricane, weather (otherwise known as 'things that happen in Queensland') got in the way. This is some chat about 40 degrees, and some.

The Sunday just past – the one that ran over the end of January like a ‘hey, get over it, it is freekin’ twenty eleven and you were scared of the millinium bug. Pah, try adulthood.’ Was forty degrees in Adelaide, South Australia. I was not aware it was over 40 degrees until I had walked over 2kms in it. I was sweaty. And not the sexy Slave 4 U Britney kind - the normal kind - where hair sticks to your face in a comb over and one has to walk like a duck-cum-penguin to prevent a childless future because ones upper thighs have sought each other’s company in a simultaneous battle against sweat and becoming sandpaper. Here are my observations of plus 40 degree days and Australia.

Air Conditioning. People who don’t have air conditioning are very hot, and people who do say they love the heat.

People in Australia drive their cars everywhere. Pedestrianism is tantamount those London dawn scenes in 28 Days Later. You're in your own world on the pavement. When it’s hot, drivers look at walkers with even more concerted confusion.

British people get their asses in the sun. Yay! Skin cancer!

Hollering "This is the wrong country for that" at Australian dog owners seems perfectly reasonable.

Hollering "stop asking me how I'm coping with the heat" at Australians seems perfectly reasonable. (This is because it is reasonable - stop asking me how I'm coping with the heat. Ask your fudging dog.)

I said this about Madrid and I’ll say it about Adelaide. Walking through an alley and through an extractor fan is rubbish, and smelly, but you pass through it and avoid that alley in future. Being in a hot wind that is produced by genuine weather is tough. Because the wind is hot. It’s like being stuck in a toaster, but no one is sticking a knife in to get you as even if they lifted you out the toaster it’s emitting such heat it’s inescapable, (and no one likes getting stabbed really.)

I’ve been doing weird things with fans since the heat subsided trying to move cool air into my hot house. Generally I’m pretty lazy, so this effort must be the 40 degreeness.

Silly band names' accidental reference in general conversation gets annoying. Oh lord, I can't be arsed with this hot hot heat. Warning: Dogs die in hot cars Sheila. Wham I can't cool down. Oh lord, to fall by accident into an oasis in this desert of unforgivable warmth. Ah mate? It's all a blur... you get the idea. Yes this is a crowded house – molecularly.

Tea cools you down? Lies.