In the mood of all things ending (decade wise, not life wise) and therefore needing a top ten - top ten films, top ten celebrity outrages, top ten celebrity dogs and their jackets - here are my top five things I have noticed about Australia and person to person communication in public.
1. Sales. Start with a topical one. 'Boxing day' sales. Since when is it normal to go into a store mobbed by people making a hash out of finding clothes for $20 less than $150 and expect the sales staff to be jovial and ask about your day. Verbatim: (whilst searching through a sale rail of dresses in surf sand and something) "Hey there, how's it going" "Are you talking to me?" "Yes. It's busy hey" "Sorry, I've got wet feet. I'm in a bit of a bad mood. Do you mind?" "Sure. No worries"
These situations will now be described in verbatim. It leaves more to the imagination - and gives a clue to the oddity of the situations. (This may be a good point to give up.)
2. Bars. Buying a drink. "How you doing" "Yeah good" "What can I get you" "House white and, erm, what else is on happy hour" "Toohees, and yeah wine" "Cool, well a Toohees then please" "What you been up to today" "At work. Rubbish" "Yeah I know, weather's been crap too. Where do you work" "Oh erm, well insurance. Kinda" "Oh" "I know. It's pretty shit, but pays the bill, ah ha ha" "Eight dollars please" "Cheers"
3. Newsagents. "You having a good day" "Erm" "Just this" "Bit busy, it's hot out" "What?" "Oh You?" "What?" "You asked about my day" "Oh" "How much?"
4. In my workplace, in the kitchen. Coffee in the morning/making lunch. Silence "Oh sorry" "No worries" "..." "You have a good weekend" "Yeah thanks... You?" "Yeah I ... *insert detail ..." "Ah ha ha. Ooops, sorry, I didn't mean to nervously spill coffee all over the counter. I think I've had too much coffee, I can't see properly" "Some more GREAT chat"
5. In the street. "Ouch" "..." "You just walked into me and didn't notice. Ah well. Seems to be the way..."
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