Tedious and Rambling

It appears to me that there is a certain clarity missing from this blog. My apologies. I have decided to invest some time – escaping the glorious sunshine* – to remind this blog of its purpose, and in turn, all four of you that skim read it when you’ve done checking Facebook on a miserable night in.

Blog literal - place to notate all the crap that surges through one's mind, you know, the stuff that falls on deaf ears in the pub.

To Blog (verb)- sit down on one's own and talk to oneself and then kind of publish it.

Blog (noun) - a unique entity that is not defined by name but rather by contents in turn leading other people to wonder what is wrong with the author.

I have chosen to approach this in the style of an English language GCSE mark sheet. Please note my A* bitches – earned minus the knowledge of how to apply an apostrophe correctly – I learned this in my 21st year. Apparently I still have problems applying oo correctly too. Loose and lose and also, I must admit, choose and chose often catch me out. I think it’s the ownership over oos as an Attwood.

Style – There is no specific style in which I write, nothing that has a stipulated term, and I have never indulged in specific rules regarding style; I do freekin’ love a good semi-colon. I think the main way to approach the style in this blog is to imagine everything is persuading you to indulge in my emotional response. For example, if I’m describing something tedious and rambling, you will note my style is tedious and rambling. I wouldn’t want you to miss out.

Language – Making words up and finding new linguistic applications is the best thing about writing. Fo’ sho’. Anything that can be exclaimed in a silly and unclear way that either takes insane deciphering or is only funny to me – will bring me joy – and hopefully that will infect the style of the copy. Wondering what the fudge I’m talking about? Maybe you’re reading the wrong blog. I don’t ask you to understand me. Just come with me.

Sincerity – Now, I add this into the score chart, as it’s a feature of writing that has got me into endless trouble. Hopefully Contained doesn’t see me in some kind of sticky shiz with the Arab Emirates. As there is a level of insincerity in my jest (there’s not. I hate it there) you see? See also Orange Highlighters for my continued struggle with sincerity. If it’s a review then trust I’m being sincere. Have you still not seen Boy? Idiots.

Text Inference/interpretation – I have posted a poem regarding caravans on my blog this week, in return I have received several emails detailing concern for my well being. I’ll leave – gentle – interpretation for readers in their own time. The text will often infer I’m bonkers; it’s best to take this at face value but I cannot promise to play party to your concerns.

Sentence structure, punctuation and spelling – Apparently to get full marks. You have to avoid ambiguity. That’s me out then.

*There isn’t any glorious sunshine, yes, I’m as confused about that as you all are about the bouts of glimmering snow pummelling down in the UK. Or maybe you’re all used to the snow by now? As used to it as my rambunctious oddities anyway.