Yes Peggy. Did you hear about this trendy new series Mad Men?

Ever since I’ve been able to recognise the affect pleasing others has, making people smile yay! that’s been my go to shtick. Not in any kind of fox like cunning way, that’s just how I behave. When I don’t pull things off I do a joke and then think about it for days and days and days. A regret machine. It’s never been a conscious thing, from when I was a wee girl, not a tiny arch manipulator - just eager to get it right.

The reason I’m good at my job is I can run with ideas and ask questions, matchmake things I’ve seen, things I may see, things I know instinctively work or will work. Like Colour Me Beautiful, but not the 80s and not clothes and makeup portioned in seasons. This festival season, I reverted to ticking  boxes, thinking to myself ‘but this is how some people work, in an office, hammering out emails, making phonecalls, GO GO GO’ - and it’s not how I usually work.

I’m onto season five of Mad Men (it’s this documentary about how when you wear a suit and have a willy you can do whatever you like and if you’re a lady you need to be a regular genius to be allowed to do more than pop a roast in the oven). In S5 of Mad Men Peggy gets frustrated that people won’t take her ideas seriously, as they don’t know what they want. It’s also layered with a million other issues around her being a women in a position of responsibility in a male male male workplace-worldplace. She looks around herself (working the longest hours of anyone in the office) and is constantly delivering but also expecting more from herself and those around her.

My job is ideas, and selling ideas, both how I can talk about a show or someone's creation - often deeply personal, and then fairly represent them - as if they were doing the talking themselves. On balance, like Peggy never is able to, I should look back and see how it is - I’m here in this position able to make mistakes, get frustrated, fire off at difficult situations - because I am here and I’ve worked hard for it. I am not perfect. But it’s tough. Cos like Peggy the onus is on me to continue proving myself, time and time again. As that’s how it goes.